Monday, March 30, 2015

Back At It



Happy 2015?

Okay, so it's no secret that I've been gone for a while—a while as in we are practically four months into the new year and I haven't even posted once. But in my absence, I've been sorting some things out and trying to figure out just what the heck I want to do with my life. 

Spoiler Alert: A light bulb will not appear and turn on above your head in a scene where some Michelle Branch song is playing and your whole life plan just conveniently nestles itself into your brain while you tilt your head back, smile into the clouds and spin in happy circles while wearing a sundress the day after graduation. Life is not a movie. Sorry if I ruined it for you, folks.  

And although things in this neck of the woods have been particularly inactive, I've been pretty busy just dealing with life, for lack of a better phrase. Not in the sense that I've had major life changes—in fact, my life has been pretty stagnant and uneventful so far in 2015, but internally, I've been dealing with a lot.

So what exactly have I been sorting through in the past three months?

The biggest thing that I find myself struggling with right now is the idea of what I should be doing with my life verses what I want to be doing with my life. As a child, the day you learn the English language (or so it seems anyways), you're told you're supposed to follow the pattern: go to school, graduate, pay a lot and go to more school, graduate, get a job, work, work, work, work, work and eventually enjoy a sliver of weekend. Repeat and repeat and repeat for 40 years.

If that doesn't sound appealing to you at all, don't worry, it doesn't sound so great to me either, and I can safely say that I already know I was meant for something different. I was not given my creativity and my itch to design, create and write for nothing. 

While my current situation may not be what I see when I envision my dream job, I know that I can use it to my advantage in a few ways—the most obvious being that I am learning. Maybe it's not my number one passion, but my job constantly challenges me, I'm learning new skills and lessons and I can see improvement in my work. In the end, I know I will take with me the skills that I'm honing, regardless of where I end up. Another advantage? I can use my current situation to fuel my hard work in other areas of my life and to motivate me to work hard at getting my side projects off the ground and developing them.

Changes will most certainly not happen over night, but I'm excited to push myself in even more ways than I ever have before, especially when it comes to how I keep myself motivated. I've always been a person who is motivated by other people. In high school I wanted to make my parents proud and show my teachers that I knew my stuff. When I played soccer, I had teammates depending on me. With internships that I held, I had deadlines and wanted to prove to my bosses that they had made the right choice in hiring me. All the pressure that I put on myself (aside from being a perfectionist) was in some way driven by the need to impress someone else. But for the first time, in order to achieve the goals and dreams that I wholeheartedly want, everything is up to me, and it will be a big test to see if that in itself is enough. 

And with that, stay tuned, because exciting things are coming and I can't wait to share them with everyone who stuck through my three-month break with the Internet. 

With Love (no matter how long it's been since I last wrote),
Ellyse

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